Anthem 2: Strong Enough to Break

Strong Enough to Break is probably the real reason I love Hanson so much. This is when Hanson changed my life. After listening to this song. This is serious and personal to me.

 

If you have read my About Me page then you will know that I have suffered from Social Anxiety disorder pretty much my entire life. I can remember being in PRE-SCHOOL (4 years old!) and feeling so nervous and out of place. I was too embarrassed to raise my hand and talk 'out loud' in front of everyone. I remember being too nervous to ask if I could use the bathroom and ended up peeing my pants in front of the entire class! Then I was too embarrassed to say anything about it, so once some kid sitting next to me realized they shouted it out to the entire class. I don't feel like that is "normal" behavior for a 4 year old; to feel such strong embarrassment and anxiety. I've worked with a lot of kids over the years and many 4 year olds seem to be outgoing and full of TMI :) But, that was just the beginning of a long and painful road ahead for me and Social Anxiety.

 

Kindergarten was hard because I felt extreme fear and anxiety being in a classroom full of kids. It didn't help that my teacher was old and mean. She didn't care that I felt uncomfortable, she would call me out and force me to "speak up" because I was too quiet. I was teased by a boy in 3rd grade for being shy. I remember him asking me if I was a "baby" because I couldn't talk. By 4th grade my family and I moved and I attended a new school. Instead of having the fresh start I had hoped for, I ended up even lonelier then before. I would walk around by myself during recess. School was causing me so much pain and anxiety my parents decided to pull me out and try homeschooling me for a year. 5th and 6th grade were bearable but 7th grade was a living nightmare and I eventually started home school after one semester at the dreaded junior high. I finished high school with a great online schooling program. Even though the online schooling was working really well for me, I felt so ashamed. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't just be "normal" like everyone else and go to a real school. Homeschooling isn't too common where I was from and I felt embarrassed to talk about it (too bad I didn't know Hanson was a homeschooling family, then I might have thought home school was cool ;) Of course, I had no idea who Hanson was at the time...). I didn't have any friends and I never got asked out on dates or attended any high school dances, football games, etc. In some ways I feel like I missed out on a real high school experience. And sometimes it makes me sad.

 

Fear has been my constant companion my entire life. Fear of being different. Fear of being judged. Fear of trying something new and looking stupid. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of failing. Fear of not saying the right thing. Fear of not being smart enough, funny enough, pretty enough, skinny enough. My entire life, I have been plagued with this awful fear that has held me back. It is literally a cage. I don't have any friends because I'm too nervous/shy/afraid to go out and socialize with people. I don't have my driver's licence because I'm terrified of driving (and all the "worse case scenarios" that could happen like getting in a car accident) and I'm embarrassed about being 22 and not having a licence and I'm afraid about what people will think or say about/to me. I've never been asked out on a date or been kissed and have hardly talked to any guys my age in a long time because of fear.

 

I'm SICK of living like this! I am SICK of this fear that suffocates me on a DAILY basis! That CONTROLS me! That is holding me captive! That has caused me to miss out on so many opportunities and has made me feel so horrible about myself all the time!!

 

This song is one of my very favorite songs EVER. I needed this song in my life. I still do. To me, this song is all about overcoming. Breaking free from whatever it is that is holding you back. For me, that is fear. I'm ready to feel "strong enough to break" free from fear!! And this song helps me get through the hard times and gives me the courage I need every day to try and get a little better. I love this song so much! Every part of this song means something to me. I can just relate to every single word. I can't adequately express how much this song means to me. It has changed my life. THANK YOU HANSON!! That's all I can say. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

 

 

I don't feel myself today
Just a figure in a big monopoly game
Struggle is the price you pay
You get just enough just to give it away
I'm sinking but I'm floating away
Throw me a line so I can anchor my pain
The fabric is about to fray
The fabric is about to fray

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

Been running through my mind today
Scenarios to add to your hypocrisy
No one ever takes the blame
But everyone is searching for a cure to the pain
Nothing ever seems to change
Oh, nothing ever seems to change
We just play like broken records in a deaf man's charade

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

Carry on just a pawn and the same old song
I'm still holding on

The fabric is about to fray

Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately
Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately

Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough
Things keep coming and I keep wondering
I start feeling the walls close in
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break
Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

 

*If you read this whole thing, thank you! I tend to get carried away and blabber on and on for hours :)

*All the bolded and italicized words are parts that really touch/stand out to me.....so basically the whole song :)